Lecture 4

I really enjoyed the lecture on Relational Dialectics. Since my grandfather has Alzheimer’s I could relate in some way. He (my grandfather) came to stay with my family the week after Father’s day and boy was that really a test to just how to handle things. It’s sad but true, like the wives I and my family and his own wife, my step-grandmother experience the presence-absence, certainty-uncertainty, openness-closedness, and past-present. My grandfather was present but he had no real idea where he was. He kept asking my mother if this was the same house that we’ve lived in or did we move. And when I saw my grandfather not knowing how to use the controls for the tv in our guest room, I asked him if he needed help and he said, “yes, I was waiting for that guy who has been helping me to come in here”, that guy, was in reference to my father, his son, who he clearly didn’t even know. So yes, he is living and we are living with him in the presence-absence. So I often during that week would say “grandpa” and give him a hug or pat him on the back and smile. It was difficult to determine if the ache in his shoulder that he kept complaining about was real or just a tactic to try and get us to take him home so his wife could take care of him because he missed her. He seemed fine, and nothing seemed to really be wrong with his shoulder. Since my grandpa stayed with us while his wife had caterax surgery, it was often difficult in deciding to disclose how she was doing in or explaining why staying with us longer, when he asked if he could go home. In all it was a very difficult weak because my family had never experienced on a day to day basis how bad my grandpa is and how, he really isn’t my grandpa anymore. Sure he’s here but he doesn’t talk to me the same or act toward me the same as he did before when he was of sane mind.