Chapter 11

In chapter 11, I had an OMG moment. In the grave dressing and move on section, I felt like I was reading about my last two years. Yes, I had a break up. And yes, when my boyfriend broke up with me, it was an extremely traumatic event and I felt all the feelings they described in the book because I thought that-that relationship was it, I thought I had found the one. Anyway, I think the outcry and denial stage were the biggest and scariest thing I had ever experienced. I had never before let a break up get to me the way that one did. I did feel panicked, in despair, with draw from others, I didn’t want to do anything, even eating, I was going through it, I felt everything. Sometimes, I feel like I had a real break down, it was a horrible loss. At that point I scared myself a little bit. I never thought I’d be the girl on the floor, not able to get up from crying for days, or the girl who wasn’t ever able leave the house again because I couldn’t cope, or the girl who reacted to the break up the way I did with my crazy desperate actions. It even took me a long time to be able to sleep again by myself. I was so use to having some there all time. Of course I experienced the intrusions now again but I definitely didn’t think I’d ever get past it all. Toward the end of my relationship, I had gone into therapy to work on my issues that were causing problems in my relationship, I got more intense with the treatment when the relationship ended and was on my way to working through it. It’s been 2 years and I’ve finally come to the completion and narratives. I can tell I’ve come to the end stages because a year ago when I went out on a date, I wasn’t ready. I could barely get through lunch and basically hyperventilated on the poor guy and I cried all the way home from the date, partly because I wasn’t ready and I knew it, and partly cried cuz I felt bad for basically freaking out a nice guy who had no real idea what I was going through. But it’s kind of funny that this chapter comes at this particular time in my life. Through my job, there is someone that I met a year ago. Someone I was totally not interested in and rejected their invitation for a date twice before. But after finally really talking to this person for about a week, and him asking again for a date, I’ve accepted. I’m actually looking forward to it. Partly because I have learned so much through my therapy, not just about relationships but how to deal and act around people in a different light and partly because I’m really excited to interact in the my new ways with someone outside of my friends and family. I’m also looking forward to not hyperventilating this time around. But in the end I am thankful that I went through grave mess of the breakup that I did because I learned so much. And I’m grateful that my ex was in my life because he gave me courage to do so much, and go through so much and find out that I can come through it all ok and a better person in the end.