chapter 9

Escalation in the “positive” sense. That is what chapter 9 did for me in the section called Stages of Relational Escalation. I have always used the word escalation in a negative sense. For example, like the problem or argument or issue only escalated. I never really took a look at escalation in the positive light of how it appears in relationships. I agree that most relationships don’t ever get passed that imitating stage. I think back event to my day today at work. I passed by so many different people just walking to lunch. And of course on a somewhat hot day like today people where all out in the streets of San Francisco. Some people you notice and smile at or say high too and others you just pass by and notice each other, perhaps only because they are about to come toward and bump into because they aren’t paying attention. Whatever the reason, I never really thought of the imitating stage of the escalation process as a predictor. Perhaps now when I pass someone on the street or meet someone new, I may give them a second look and think as to what I may predict about where that relationship may go, if I choose. The experimenting stage, I found funny. Its like all the cheesie stuff that we get out of the way when we escalate to then next stage. LOL. I mean how many times in our life have we all use the same lame lines they use in the book, ie: you middle name, you play chess or ski what do you what on tv, you favorite color, what’s your son or daughters name. But all these little things add up and are need in this stage to get us to the next. Then there is the intensifying stage. I think this one is the most important escalation because its when we really take that risk to jump beyond cheesie and into the meat (the heart of, if you will) of the relationship. Now in this stage we are invested. And once we knew we care we can escalate to the move-in, share stage of integrating. This is the scary stage and questionable stage. What if my other friends don’t like this friend or what if they don’t approve of this boyfriend/girlfriend The integration should not be taken lightly I think. But it also seems to be the more fun stage as well. Finding out that you have more beliefs and values in common and being able to enjoy more activities together or take that step to move in together is a big one. Lastly there is the bonding stage. In this stage, besides blood brothers and weddings it also made me think about the Greek System. Wouldn’t that be the same as the other two examples they give in the book. It is making some kind of announcement right? I mean don’t people have to be publicly initiated? Anyways, I enjoyed the stages, reflecting upon how I have used them in my life and learning to turn an ugly word into a new positive light.