Web lecture 5

I think that Long-term Relationships and Conflict is more intense when the couples first start out because they try too hard to make everything perfect and work out just right. And over time as they get use to one another and more comfortable that is why they are able to let things go more easily and have less conflict. Its kind of like the saying of “pick your battles” and after a while the little things that bothered couples in the beginning they are just able to adjust to later. And of course maturity has a lot to do with how often you have conflict in your relationships.

Chapter 15

Within Chapter 15, I found that I could relate to and understand the turning points in family relationships best. We all go through so many turning points with parents. Some we all experience and others we do not. I remember that open moving out to attend college at San Francisco State, some years back that I did in fact have less and less contact with my parents. I remember just trying to come into my own from being out on my own (per say). I think I just felt that I need to enjoy my time away and fend for myself, as much as I could considering my parents were paying for my education and apartment, I still felt that I needed to be an independent. I worked and went to school both in San Francisco so I didn’t feel there was any real need to come home. Of course that was until my time of crisis with some strange roommates and then I found myself coming back home more often for/to depend on that close connection and bond with both my parents. I am thankful that I do feel that my parents have come into our own in the third turning point of communication. I have yet since moved back home from days of going to SF state and now being at SJ state, I have found that my parents do include me on more decisions around the house. I also do appreciate the fact that as they get older and things need to be taken care of and prepared for as they get older they include me and my sibling in their decisions and inform us of all their wishes. Of course the aging of my parents and taking care of things that will need to be taken care of is not something I look forward too, but then again, I don’t think anyone does.

Chapter 13

I really enjoyed reading all of chapter 13. There were so many different areas that I could relate to in this chapter so it was hard to pick just one to blog about. However conflicting styles won out in the end. For me it’s a toss up between what two styles I would say are the best. Collaborating is the first. Isn’t that what any good relationship does, it’s a collaboration of two people in any situation coming together to promote solutions, goals and commitment together? And yes, I can understand that often it takes lots of energy and often feels like more work than anything else. On the other hand I think the style of Compromising is also works best. That’s what life is about, compromising, isn’t it? Any good relationship has its handful of compromising. And although the disadvantages involve scarifies by both people involved, don’t all types have some level of sacrifice to a degree? For example, you may not always want to go with you partner to that rock concert if you like classical but you sacrifice make a compromise and do it because of what the relationship means to you. One style I have been experiencing for a while is that of Withdraw and Avoidance. The story at the beginning of the chapter and this style really hit home for me this week. You see, I have this great job, that I use to love. However, my boss, who I use to be close too hired someone who just doesn’t fit right in our department of three. And over the past 5 years, he is the third person in that position. My colleague is well in a manner of words, unprofessional and very inexperienced for the position they hold. But, for my bosses own personal private reasons, she feels this person is great and perfect for the job. Unfortunately my colleague has not only disrupted the department but also the small company as well. Sadly there is a division between the a few other departments and the one I am in due to this colleague. In any case, my boss and I have become increasingly distant in the last 8 months. My boss has become quite unbearable to work with at times and when we differ or something goes array in our department her and I use the style of Withdraw and Avoid. Whenever I have a problem with my boss and her ethics, my colleague or whatever is going on at the time, instead of confronting her, I just avoid the situation. I mean, my job gives me extreme flexibility with my school schedule and that’s why I keep the job and my mouth shut so that I don’t get fired. I also no longer confront my boss because she isn’t willing to try out any of my solutions I offer because she sees it as a threat of me trying to take over, in which it’s the complete opposite. She use to be great boss and I am only trying to find ways to help fix things but she is closed off to any suggestions. I also don’t confront her anymore because she continues to make excuses for my colleague, such as, they are young and they need to learn and get use to this type of job. And my question to that is, this person was suppose to have experience in the job, they are 25 going on 26, so they aren’t that young and after 8 months of work, when are they finally going to catch on? LOL. So my boss essentially avoids confrontation with me by making excuses to try and make me understand why my colleague is the way they are and that my solutions are just not possible. In addition, anytime that my boss may have a problem or question about my work or a decision I have made, she doesn’t confront me to ask me, rather she sends an email or memo about the situation in hopes that I will respond to her that way in lieu of having a face to face conversation to work the problem. However, I only see my boss as being weak in her attempt to avoid the situation instead of finding ways to fix things. As for Competing style I see that as those people are selfish and Accommodating as weak people as well because they are pleasers and should take care of themselves just as much as the person they are engaging in a relationship with.

Chapter 12

In chapter 12 I found Culture and Self-Construals to be interesting. Perhaps I was more in tune with this section because for my other Comm classes this summer, they focus a lot on different cultures and how we communicate differently and that leads us to where we are today in terms of communication at work, in school and personally with each other. It definitely seems that we communicate and use tactics based on how our culture is. For example, the point about Japanese avoiding conflict and Americans do not. Although I have no real experience with the Japanese culture one on one per say, what I observe if I am in a Japanese community, say at a restaurant, in school or someplace like Japan town, it does seem that Japanese culture does try avoid conflict by focusing more on subtle indirect communication strategies than we do. We are loud society as Americans so it only seems fitting that we’d be more likely to dive in and get into an argument or confront and persist on get someone’s ideas out or giving our expertise spin on something. And in terms of how we and the Korean culture make request again, it seems that these culture tactics sum up pretty good how I view each culture to be. Sometimes, I think are the Europeans and other countries right in thinking that we are the rude culture based on how we communicate? For example, the comparison of the how the Koreans feel that making certain request were imposing on peoples feelings where as Americans are more right in your face, direct and imposing upon one another. It was an interesting and right on the money section for me.